Are Women More Desirable When They’re Broke?

Posted on November 16, 2011 Written by 15 Comments
Women should stay poor

No matter how hard we fight for equality in the workplace, at home or in the finances, there will always be a sexist gap. We can get laws passed and continuously evolve as a society, but the truth remains.

A rich and successful woman is frowned upon.

In my life I’ve noticed that having a successful career is a big negative and if I only made a small amount of money, I’d still be in a loving relationship. My success and dedication drove a wedge between us, and it created a big swirling mess of insecurity.

Why is that?

Why can he make more money than I do and it’s encouraged, but if I make more than him it’s considered a bad thing? I may never fully understand the reasoning behind it, but there’s no doubt as a woman, there are several benefits to being broke.

Relationships will flourish

Unless a man is VERY secure with himself and his career, dating a successful woman is a turn off. Even in the twenty-first century, men are still pegged as the breadwinners.

The women are supposed to take care of him and tend to his needs. If she makes more money than he does, it’s a never ending battle in the household.

You will be rescued

Men like to rescue women, or to feel like she depends on him for survival. If she’s bad with money, can’t keep a job or just wants be a stay at home mom, a guy will propose to her right then and there.

It’s all about the damsel in distress theory. He needs to feel needed. If she can take care of herself, he feels threatened.

People will want to help

If you’re a struggling single woman or mother, there will be lots of people wanting to give you aid and assistance. Places like charities and shelters offer help and other guidance for women who need it (and I’m very thankful these things are available).

However, if you’re successful and able to take care of your kids or yourself, people look down on you. They never offer help, and expect you to take of everything on your own.

You don’t have to be Wonder Woman

We’ve come a long way in this country, but there’s still an under current of how a women should act. They should take care of the family, be domestically inclined, cook, clean and do the laundry.

For women who want both the career and the family, you have to be Wonder Woman before your efforts are even noticed. That choice is difficult, and it’s simpler to stay at home and “tend to the youngin’s”.

But for the women who do want it all, I say kudos to you! You will receive little praise, get hardly any respect, and constantly have to fight for your place. But you will be a happy, confident woman (and rich!).

Why are women more desirable when they make less money?

Photo Credit: Randy Son Of Robert

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  • http://Website Superman

    Speaking from experience, I was in the same situation, and I admit I was insecure about my (beautiful) ex-wife making more money than I did. I think the idea of the man being the bread winner is a paradigm passed on by my parents or society. Maybe it’s an instinctive thing, I’m not sure. I should just get over it and realize that it’s just money, and some people make more money than others. Making more money doesn’t mean you’re more successful, it just means that you have a different job that pays more. Different careers pay more/less, doesn’t mean that I’m not successful with my career. So, I should just relax and stop being so uptight about it :-)

    BTW I live in your area! We should go out sometime ;)

    • http://carefulcents.com Carrie

      I know a lot of people, parents and other in society put this theory into our heads when we are young. I agree with you, different jobs pay different amounts, but that doesn’t make any one person more or less important. Thanks for the comment. :)

      • Sam

        You’re welcome ;) ;)

  • http://www.sooverdebt.com Andrea @SoOverDebt

    I posted about this on my site, but when I was doing the online dating thing, I had very little interest until I changed my job to cashier at the Dollar Store. The points you mentioned are true – men need to feel needed, and when they don’t, relationships are in trouble.

    One of the reasons my ex gave for having an affair is that I was in grad school and wouldn’t need him anymore, but the other girl did. :/

    If poor women are desirable, I should have men lined up outside my door! I’m only a little mad that I don’t.

    • http://carefulcents.com Carrie

      Lol Andrea, if I was a guy I’d totally be lined up outside your door (with flowers). I’m bummed that if women make more it’s an excuse or deciding factor when a relationship fails, but that’s the reality. Maybe I should just work at Walmart and be a lazy couch potato!

  • http://www.financesaywhat.com K

    I hate this expectation. Personally, I want to be as successful as possible. Thankfully a lot of the guys that I have met and talked to want the same out of a girl. They want a confident woman who has goals in life and wants to go somewhere and be somebody.

    I am going to work hard in life to be successful, I’m not sure yet if that definition means making a lot of money, but successful at least. And I’ll need a guy who respects that I suppose and won’t be weirded out because of it.

    • http://carefulcents.com Carrie

      I totally hate it too K! I have always wanted to be successful and to do my absolute best. Apparently that comes off threatening and “misguided”. I suppose I’ll be looking for a guy who can accept my drive and passion, and not feel insecure about it. Good luck to us both. Lol :)

  • http://www.thefreefinancialadvisor.com/average-joes-money-blog/ AverageJoe

    @Andrea – Really? I knew us men are pretty shallow, but that’s incredible.

    I’ve always been on the opposite side of this equation and don’t know why. (I guess I haven’t been to enough dollar stores.) My wife’s salary was higher than mine for about 10 years until my business developed. Then, after I sold it, she became the major breadwinner again.

    Now I just lay in bed all day and drink champagne while she feeds me grapes. Oh, the life!

    • http://carefulcents.com Carrie Smith

      Omg Joe! You are making my point even more. :) Apparently it’s every man’s fantasy to have a woman that feeds him and tends to him. Lol

  • http://www.sterlingeffort.com Ash @ Sterling Effort

    Hey Carrie, I think anyone who let’s stupid stuff like salary get in the way of a relationship is an idiot regardless of their gender. Don’t hate me for what I’m about to say. I think ambitious women are sexy but bitches are not sexy at all. Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of women think they need to be a bitch to be successful, and maybe there’s an element of truth in that. I couldn’t say. For me, it’s not the success that’s the turn-off, it’s the bossy and aggressive attitude that many successful people let seep into their personal lives that is the problem. That goes for males and females.

    • http://carefulcents.com Carrie Smith

      Wow, that’s actually very insightful. I couldn’t agree with you more too! There is a fine line between being driven or ambitious and being outright beotchy. That bossy attitude is a total turn off to me too, and I’m always very aware of myself so I don’t cross into that territory.

      I’m determined for sure and it comes off insensitive at times, but I definitely am working on finding a good (and less stubborn) balance in life. Thanks for the perspective, and please continue to share your opinion in the future. I like it :)

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  • http://twitter.com/angrymillionair Martilyo

    If you look over the course of history, at the very beginning of civilization, a man worked and the woman stayed home to care for the household and children.  The woman had many children.  Those children would grow up and help take care of the household.  Many times the male children would learn the trade of the father and carry on the family trade as well as what was considered “normal” for the time…so on and so forth generations would flourish.  

    Fast forward many years later and times have changed.  More women stay single, childless and become professional business women.  In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with it.  I remember reading Andrea’s article about the online dating experience.  I will agree with you and her.  Most men need to feel wanted and needed.  Most men also have insecurity issues just as women do.  A guy that works as a manager of McDonald’s is probably going to feel insecure if he was dating a successful business woman who works for a large company and makes much more money then they do.  Most men feel like they need something to offer a woman.  Most men feel their role is to provide food, shelter and protection for a woman and their family.  It is just instinct.  Ever get this turn down line? “You are too intimidating for me.”  It means the guy feel like he has nothing to offer you.  He is insecure about himself when he compares what he has to offer in a relationship.  He knows you really don’t “need” him to survive.

    I think it is a matter of meeting the right person.  Not all guys feel and act as I have stated above, but a lot do!  Another thing to keep in mind is that people have issues…  You, me and “Superman.”  We all have issues… Sorry, dude…asking Carrie out on her blog seemed a little creepy…  It is just a matter of meeting someone that you share compatible “issues” with.  Notice I said “meet” and not “find.”  If you look for a relationship, you will never “find” what you are looking for.  Just live life and you may “meet” someone special.  Good post.    

    • http://carefulcents.com Carrie Smith

      I really like your advice to just live life and you might meet that someone special. I used to be a complete control freak, but I’ve learned that seek to save it lesson and am becoming much more easy going. Thanks for sharing your advice.

  • Mcbrideclan9

    I have done both: worked at a highly successful corporate job and stayed home with the young’uns. Either way the stress comes when money has a higher premium than relationships. Being successful with money can lead to a love for the power of a big bank account over the love of spouse, family and friends. If money in the bank gives you Security or a higher self esteem then a man feels like he has to compete with that. Or if working and having “money of your own” is vital to you, then a man knows he’s losing unless he makes more money. Just my perspective from the other side of the fence :)